February 11, 2005
Three drinks past perfection,
Coral lanterns swayed in the sky.
Eight minutes and twenty seconds past connection,
Chartreuse lights signaled consent.
Five sirens past acceptance,
Amber flares escorted the surviving soul.
Nine years past remembrance,
Metal bars echo absolution.
I just realized a few days ago that I had never been to your gallery and I told myself that was silly, I'm glad I decided to stop by, this is a great piece! I loved your metaphors and the way you moved these scenes along. I felt like I was watching a movie. I especially loved the third stanza though, a great literary expression.
Wow thank you kindly for doing so! Much appreciated my friend! Not many dare to visit the Coopman's gallery these days.... maybe I should post some boobs... that would sooo help! lol... as long as they aren't man boobs... anyways take care and thanks again
I love the word 'Chartreuse" it kinda rolls off my tongue when I say it... Love the action/pause sequences leading the stanza into the next.
thank you kindly for your commentary! much appreciated, take care and glad you enjoyed it
Whoa. I like the style you chose, it's very fitting for this work. You managed to express so much in the two lines between flashes, it's overwhelming. I like how the flashes become so brutal, it feels like we (the readers) are totally powerless to stop a series of events unfolding, the flash pounding the message into us further. The skipping time-frame is beautifully executed (no pun intended), I especially liked the last line.