Written during a writing exercise at Contemplicity [link] It is about two types of being alone, alone before love and alone afer love has come and gone. The preview image was taken on my travels in Ireland. Hope you enjoy, take care
I feel such melancholy reading this, but it's a beautiful feeling, and this speaks well for the success of your poem. I love the minimal structure, with well placed pauses supplying a feeling of timelessness, and such perfectly conceived key words as “meadow,” “silk,” “fragrance, and “ocean” opening the senses and stirring the emotions. I hope this young woman will one day find what or who she's waiting for, and I wish I could be that “who” and end her loneliness.
The poem speaks volumes, my friend. You play with scent and words, blending her past and present very nicely. The work is very straight-forward, yet not shallow. The preview image really heightens the poem, which is a rare plus.
Beautiful words that invoked some intense feelings in me. You captured the essence of lonliness in such a simple yet complex way - wonderful work my friend! And the picture is lovely I hope to visit Ireland one day!
I absolutely loved this... it was partly inspiration for my poem Loneliness. I was a bit stuck somewhere halfway through the poem... and I read this and it inspired me a bit... I really like it. It's so good, I can't think of any critisism (which I try to do for everything I read.)
Maybe you should actually make some mistakes so I can critisize it!! I really admire how you don't have to rhyme... I find that I have to... I just don't like anything I write that doesn't rhyme... I love how you say that it's a silk laden girl with the fragrance of spring... This idea is so original! It's a cliched topic turned into something not cliche... how do you do it? ^_^
i have to say, you would probably get a few more comments if you actually made some major flaws in your work
You know i love your linework that i have tried myself on an occasion.....leaving a line or two and then adding in a word. it really draws your eye tothe word and buries it deep into yur eyes to give it more power than it would ordinarily have.
i also like how you dont follow what everyone else does and capitalize every line
I think you've managed to convey the difference between the two types of being alone very subtly. For some reason this peom made me think of the Odyssey, with Penelope waiting for Odysseus to return home.