Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconcooper: More from cooper


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
June 22, 2005
File Size
400 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,174
Favourites
5 (who?)
Comments
35
Downloads
130
×


Alone

In a meadow
a silk laden girl
with the fragrance
of spring
once sat,

alone.

Now,
a young woman,
she screens the ocean
waiting for white sails
beyond the horizon.

waiting,

alone.
Written during a writing exercise at Contemplicity [link] It is about two types of being alone, alone before love and alone afer love has come and gone. The preview image was taken on my travels in Ireland. Hope you enjoy, take care
Add a Comment:
 
:iconameas-qua:
Ameas-Qua Oct 23, 2008
this is absolutely beautiful,
haunting as i imagine was the intention.

but just incredible.
Reply
:iconmatrix7:
matrix7 Jul 6, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Not sure if you're still around (Im not really myself) but I like this one. I like the symmetry in this one *thumbsup* very nice
Reply
:iconmdog02:
mdog02 Oct 4, 2005   Writer
“sighs”
I feel such melancholy reading this, but it's a beautiful feeling, and this speaks well for the success of your poem. I love the minimal structure, with well placed pauses supplying a feeling of timelessness, and such perfectly conceived key words as “meadow,” “silk,” “fragrance, and “ocean” opening the senses and stirring the emotions. I hope this young woman will one day find what or who she's waiting for, and I wish I could be that “who” and end her loneliness.
Reply
:iconcooper:
thank you kindly for your indepth commentary not to mention taking the time to read my work. Thank you again, take care.
Reply
:iconmdog02:
mdog02 Oct 4, 2005   Writer
You're very welcome. It's always a pleasure to read good poetry like this. :)
Reply
:iconlilithlairpoetry:
Reminds me of all the sailor stories I heard when I was vacationing on Cape May NJ. Reminded me several greek myths and The Perfect Storm with George Clooney in it!
Reply
:iconlucidpoetress:
I received goosebumps as I saw my face on the girl.
Reply
:iconsmalltalk:
i love these little bites a genius, well done coop
Reply
:iconoddlyaromatic:
oddlyaromatic Jul 19, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
Nice Coop.

"Screens" might read better as "scans" but other than that I really like it. Is the second last line really needed?

Your writing has come along wonderfully, you should be very proud of your current standard. I'm enjoying it :) Go plicity go, for helping ALL of us write better.
Reply
:iconcooper:
hey your absolutely right.... scans does sound better than screens... and I think that second last line is needed for an extra pause, to me anyways...

and thank you... Plicity ownz me... I love it and it hopefully loves me. thank you my friend, take care (and I will get to your gallery soon I promise, my devwatch is bursting)
Reply
Add a Comment: