Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login


Alone

In a meadow
a silk laden girl
with the fragrance
of spring
once sat,

alone.

Now,
a young woman,
she screens the ocean
waiting for white sails
beyond the horizon.

waiting,

alone.
Written during a writing exercise at Contemplicity [link] It is about two types of being alone, alone before love and alone afer love has come and gone. The preview image was taken on my travels in Ireland. Hope you enjoy, take care
Add a Comment:
 
:iconameas-qua:
Ameas-Qua Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2008
this is absolutely beautiful,
haunting as i imagine was the intention.

but just incredible.
Reply
:iconmatrix7:
matrix7 Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Not sure if you're still around (Im not really myself) but I like this one. I like the symmetry in this one *thumbsup* very nice
Reply
:iconmdog02:
mdog02 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2005   Writer
“sighs”
I feel such melancholy reading this, but it's a beautiful feeling, and this speaks well for the success of your poem. I love the minimal structure, with well placed pauses supplying a feeling of timelessness, and such perfectly conceived key words as “meadow,” “silk,” “fragrance, and “ocean” opening the senses and stirring the emotions. I hope this young woman will one day find what or who she's waiting for, and I wish I could be that “who” and end her loneliness.
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2005
thank you kindly for your indepth commentary not to mention taking the time to read my work. Thank you again, take care.
Reply
:iconmdog02:
mdog02 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2005   Writer
You're very welcome. It's always a pleasure to read good poetry like this. :)
Reply
:iconlilithlairpoetry:
LilithLairPoetry Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2005
Reminds me of all the sailor stories I heard when I was vacationing on Cape May NJ. Reminded me several greek myths and The Perfect Storm with George Clooney in it!
Reply
:iconlucidpoetress:
lucidpoetress Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2005
I received goosebumps as I saw my face on the girl.
Reply
:iconsmalltalk:
smalltalk Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2005   Writer
i love these little bites a genius, well done coop
Reply
:iconoddlyaromatic:
oddlyaromatic Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
Nice Coop.

"Screens" might read better as "scans" but other than that I really like it. Is the second last line really needed?

Your writing has come along wonderfully, you should be very proud of your current standard. I'm enjoying it :) Go plicity go, for helping ALL of us write better.
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2005
hey your absolutely right.... scans does sound better than screens... and I think that second last line is needed for an extra pause, to me anyways...

and thank you... Plicity ownz me... I love it and it hopefully loves me. thank you my friend, take care (and I will get to your gallery soon I promise, my devwatch is bursting)
Reply
:iconoddlyaromatic:
oddlyaromatic Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
Don't worry about it.
Reply
:icondreamz13:
dreamz13 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2005
Interesting imagery. It's simple but provokes some nice thoughts. And nice preview image by the way.
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2005
thank you kindly for reading! :O much appreciated, see you around, take care
Reply
:iconchosenone-:
chosenone- Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2005
The poem speaks volumes, my friend. You play with scent and words, blending her past and present very nicely. The work is very straight-forward, yet not shallow. The preview image really heightens the poem, which is a rare plus.

Great job.
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2005
Again thank you for your words, they made my day, take care
Reply
:iconshatteredroses:
shatteredroses Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2005
Nice work, I love the phrase 'silk laden', it's little touches like that that make a poem for me.
I really should head back over to 'Plicity . . . God I wish my net connection was sorted.
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2005
Yes Plicity misses you! :O :hug: thanks for your comment though, made my day take care
Reply
:iconizaloozer:
IzaLoozer Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Very beautiful Coop. Hopefully the sails will crest the horizon soon.:)
Reply
:iconfangedfem:
fangedfem Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2005
Beautiful words that invoked some intense feelings in me. You captured the essence of lonliness in such a simple yet complex way - wonderful work my friend! And the picture is lovely =) I hope to visit Ireland one day!
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2005
I hope to go back again soon it was a beautiful place, but thank you for reading my works, that means a lot to me. :O take care and be well
Reply
:iconaellawind:
AellaWind Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2005
Did I say I adored the preview picture? Because I do. It's lovely.
Reply
:iconaellawind:
AellaWind Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2005
I absolutely loved this... it was partly inspiration for my poem Loneliness. I was a bit stuck somewhere halfway through the poem... and I read this and it inspired me a bit... I really like it. It's so good, I can't think of any critisism (which I try to do for everything I read.)

Maybe you should actually make some mistakes so I can critisize it!! I really admire how you don't have to rhyme... I find that I have to... I just don't like anything I write that doesn't rhyme... I love how you say that it's a silk laden girl with the fragrance of spring... This idea is so original! It's a cliched topic turned into something not cliche... how do you do it? ^_^

*rereads*

Reading this... made me... feel... alone. :-(

Adding that line

waiting,

it just... that was great.

:hug: I loved it.
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2005
Wow. Thank you very much... you don't know how much you lifted my spirits today. I am glad you liked it, take care
Reply
:iconbeingdevious:
beingDevious Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2005
tres bien! funny how love can fill the void of being alone, and also dig an even deeper void. definitly feel that in the "older" stage of the the girls life

:thumbsup:
Reply
:iconchrissyd:
chrissyd Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2005  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
great piece steve ;)

i have to say, you would probably get a few more comments if you actually made some major flaws in your work :giggle:

You know i love your linework that i have tried myself on an occasion.....leaving a line or two and then adding in a word. it really draws your eye tothe word and buries it deep into yur eyes to give it more power than it would ordinarily have.

i also like how you dont follow what everyone else does and capitalize every line :nod:

:thumbsup::+fav:
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2005
Thank you kindly for your remarks my friend, they made my day. I hope to see more of your writings, whether it is here or at Plicity, take care
Reply
:iconeolhc:
eolhc Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2005
like oedipa i like the subtle way the two situations are conveyed
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2005
thank you my friend. Was nice to hear from you, take care
Reply
:iconsakyrarebellion:
SakyraRebellion Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2005
weeeeeeeeeee =D I liked iiiiit XD
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2005
thank you for the fav, i'm glad you enjoyed it. take care
Reply
:iconsakyrarebellion:
SakyraRebellion Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2005
yepp ^^;
Reply
:iconoedipa:
oedipa Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2005
I think you've managed to convey the difference between the two types of being alone very subtly. For some reason this peom made me think of the Odyssey, with Penelope waiting for Odysseus to return home.
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2005
I had similar imagery floating in my head... thanks for the comment, take care
Reply
:iconchibiph3:
chibiph3 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2005
i like how both when she is older and in her childhood, you can depict her as alone, as if some things never change.
simple but nice - i like it.
Reply
:iconcooper:
cooper Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2005
yeah it is funny, sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same eh? thanks for your comment! :O Take care
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconcooper: More from cooper


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 22, 2005
File Size
400 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,296 (1 today)
Favourites
5 (who?)
Comments
35
×